this is something ive never really told anyone (only told two people), don't know the consequences from doing so anyway... but here goes.
when i first moved here, i was doing ok, 7th grade was going good, made friends. in 8th grade, i went to a friends house in september (first time doing something with someone outside of school) and they also got to see my house. i became emotionally attached to them, i had alot of weird conversations (all of them were started by me xD) over discord (ex: saying "your more then a friend to me", gay right?), he was the only person that knew me outside of school, thats why i was emotionally attached to him. later, he says we weren't friends anymore. from what i remeber, my social studies teacher said i "wasn't acting himself" don't remeber much after that, it seems during that time, he was the only peer i interacted with at school, thats another reason why i was emotionally attached. after that, we slowly "drift apart". in science, i remeber wanting to be close with him, sent a email to my teacher when he changed the seating arrangement. i was pretty dramatic, when he wouldn't interact with me in science, i would just sit there, i wouldn't go over to him and sit with him for whatever reason. also, in science i had a mental breakdown oer this, cried the whole period, luckly no one intervened... i believe it was because 1. he didn't interact with me, and 2. i was pretty lonely during that time (stil am LOL). with him being the only person i talked to most of the time (of course i had other friends, but i wasn't attached to them) really from this, I ASSUME i am trying to develop a good relationship with someone... (could be because i only had one good friend before i moved????) but over the summer, those feelings went away because i never saw him irl, only online. (not trying to make this sound gay in any way lol)
freshmen year, never met anyone outside of school so wasn't emotionally attached.
sophomore year, i get to go to anothr friends house (2nd person i meet outside of school) first time at their house, we have a sleepover. stil one of the best nights i ever had. asked if i could sleepover (was like 8pm anyway and they said 'sure', (talked about stuff and whatnot, played GT4 on a PS2 [CRT too] even went on a walk at night, etc, etc wont get into much detail...) next night, i'm crying because i have no idea if he will invite me over again or not, we are stil good friends (id say we are best friends.) but the point i'm trying to make is that i might be emotionally attached to them, i'm 100% aware of that and i'm trying my best to supress those thoughts, just like last time, they are the only person that i interact with outside of school. i just don't want to repeat what happened before (clearly theres gonna be some consequences towrds me when they read this)
ive done alot of research on this, its all mostly on reddit (ex: "I also recognised that this behaviour was driven through loneliness - when i got attached to someone it felt good because I was no longer lonely. is something that i relate too) from what ive gathered from reddit, and what ive been told by two people, is that i get emotionally attached verrry easily. really i'm just very lonely, only having 1 person (as of right now) i interact with outside of school. before i moved here, i was fine because i had my nebighor, but here, mostly everyone lives like a mile away, thats another contributing factor (that i cannot change) sadly, i don't think i'm ever gonna move closer to them.
not much else i can really add onto, just wanted to tell you a issue ive had for the past 3 years, i'm not gonna bother telling someone in their DMs because i don't wana be a "attention seeker". (leaving this on the neocities feed, because again, i don't wana tell anyone because i feel like i will be a attention seeker. and that i will feel selfesh (spelt wrong i know...)
i don't know anymore, why did i write this? i just don't know what to do at this point...